under the sun

"What does a man get for all the toil and anxious striving with
which he labors under the sun?"

So after a tumultuous week, im finally done with midterms and sat's. I really don't wanna talk about the tests themselves, so im gonna talk about the people instead. In my town, school and grades are really important. Let me emphasize that again, REALLY IMPORTANT. Everyday theres someone going crazy about a test, a school that they're waiting for a reply, some science team, an extra credit question on a US test etc etc. But during a midterm, that kind of seems to compound itself into this huge snowball of anxiety. Kids study for hours upon hours and just go crazy really. I try to rationalize how this all started; part of the monster was its own doing. All the competition just makes everyone that much more insane. Alot of it has to do with rich parents and high expectations. I remember one time, Karen's mom gave me a ride home. Karen is in the 7th grade and i tutor her in math. Her mom sounded so exasperated. this is was sort of her words, "I just dont understand why karen has so much trouble studying. Every other korean kid seems to be doing so well except karen. I just dont know what to do with her."

So what im really trying to say is that its really hard sometimes to pray to God for help in school so that i can use my talents and gifts later on to improve God's kingdown becuase so much of rewards of success that the world preach is selfish. People constantly tell you to make enough money so that you can live it up when you grow up with no worries. I become hesitant when my mom tells me to pray before hte SAT's becuase i wonder what my true motivation is to do well on the test. To be honest, i really just wanna do well so that my parents stop yelling at me. I wish i could compartmentalize all that other junk with college and money, and make it very simple. God has given me gifts. I want to use it to my full potential. The fruits that i then bear are all for God. I wish i could make it that simple.