Hello all. My week's been ok, school's been tiring. I've been taking naps right after school which are killing me. I'm pretty happy cause my dad is letting me use his laptop for church from now on, so along with the new projector, everything should be good; no more disconnections or whatnot. I have a chem lab write up right next to me as i am typing this, so i do have a lot of work.
The first christian club meeting was kind of a disappointment and not at the same time. A lot of ppl showed up, but no one really talked or anything. But the next morning was see you at the pole, and a lot of ppl came out including teachers and this pastor from a church close by. It was really encouraging to see them there. Soo, i thought these couple verses were fitting and encouraging as well.
" Knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things ,l,iek silver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradtiiton for your fathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lab without blemish and without spot. ........All flesh is as grass, and all the glory fo man as the flower of the grass. The gras wither,s and its flower falls away, But the word of hte LORD endures forever"
peace
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
this week has been....ok?
This week has been ok i guess. Pretty hectic though. Started morning prayer and christian club at school. Not gonna lie, pretty hectic. First major tests in school got me really nervous but at least its over. I've been really jittery i think because a lot of this stuff is new to me, im use to waiting for Tim to lead prayer and now its me it just feels really different. Christian club isnt too bad cause everyone is younger, but its still something new. School's been pretty tough, been taking naps everyday lol. I did get the new chris tomlin album, which im listening to right now, pretty good.
Probably the verse or section of the bible that's been on my mind alot is Job. I just think that that verse is so powerful, real, true, honest, reliable, just everything. Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
Probably the verse or section of the bible that's been on my mind alot is Job. I just think that that verse is so powerful, real, true, honest, reliable, just everything. Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
-- Job 1: 20-21 (KJV)
That verse speaks so much truth that i really cant say much. Sometimes the things Jesus did are so surreal and amazing that its kinda hard to imagine really. But when i think of the story of Job, in perspective to my life, i can feel that. I feel humbled when i hear those words, the lord hath take away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
I look foward to saturday and sunday's so much, much more then i ever have. Just the idea of peace for a couple hours in meeting God in a much more different way then 7:20 in the morning in a science lab gives me hapiness.
i guess i'll just end with this, listen to the chris tomlin album its really good
I look foward to saturday and sunday's so much, much more then i ever have. Just the idea of peace for a couple hours in meeting God in a much more different way then 7:20 in the morning in a science lab gives me hapiness.
i guess i'll just end with this, listen to the chris tomlin album its really good
Saturday, September 13, 2008
I cant' think of a title
I'm not really sure how to start this, so i'll go from thursday
Thursday was my grandfather's funeral. We went to new york for the wake and the burial site. If i had to list my top three emotions it would probably be confused, sad, scared, in that order. I'll be honest, the only grandfather i know is the guy i met three times a year, on his birthday, on christmas sometimes, and new years. When i was really young he was a really nice guy, but then as he got older, he really got old. His hearing started to get worse, and his mind really just lost it. Many times he couldnt hear himself so he would scream and the majority of his talks were lectures to me and my cousins. It was the same thing every year and every year it just got worse. We knew he had cancer and he didnt really much time but no one knew it was going to be right at this time. At first, i was just numb cause i didnt know what to do. On the Sunday i found out i just did nothing the whole day. I wasnt sure how to react or how to grief so i just thought the whole day. The more i thought the more scared i got of what answers i would get. I was afraid to ask if he was saved, because i was afraid of the answer being no. I was afraid of what happens to people as they get older; i was afraid of what happens if people like grandmother can forget everything because they have alzheimer's. I was afraid of death. It never felt so real because i never had to deal with this. The closest thing i ever experienced to a death in the family was my grandfather in korea that i never met or seen who died when i was 11. I had no idea what that really meant, only that i had to stay with my cousins. I was afraid to read certain passages in the morning because they might not give me answers to what i needed. I was afraid to listen to christian music on the way there because if i felt more numb and confused and sad, what does that say about me? I was afraid to pray honestly because if he didnt answer me, then what. I wasnt sure either about how to go about my regular day. I know im supposed to live like how he would have wanted me to live, but then how do i show my respect towards my grandfather? I really didnt want to write this post either cuase i just didnt want to think about it. Everytime someone called to say sorry or something, i knew it was because they cared and all, but i really didnt feel any better.
If i had to look back i can only think of maybe a few good things i can remember.
1. Tim and Eddie's mom came out to the funeral. The whole service i just put my head down and stayed quiet. But when i saw them i was just so filled with emotion to know that people cared that much to just support my mom, even when they didnt know my grandfather. That was such a wonderful surprise for me.
2. My mom seems OK.
3. On the way back i just thought w/e just go with it. I put on my headphones and the first song that came up was come and listen by david crowder band. I wanted to listen to more and i did. I listened to so many words that described who and what Jesus is. My heart felt on fire and my mind was just racing. So many thoughts just popped into my head. All the people i didnt talk to, all the prayer meetings i could've talked to God, just everything. I have no idea why the most emotion i felt was in a car ride back listening to music instead of when i was standing right next to my dead grandfather.
4. My grandfather accepted Christ on his deathbed. Now i had a long pause before i wrote this one because i still really unsettled with this statement. I prayed and just longed that i would hear the right words about his faith because its just so strange; i couldnt pray to God to save him or to enter his life anymore. I couldnt pray that at all. So when i acutally had the courage to ask what he did or said exactly hours or minutes before he passed away, or what exactly the pastors were saying during the services, i was relieved and worried at the same time. They said he accepted him loudly and firmly, with conviction but i have encountered so many fake christians and so many things that are just at hte service that sadly i wasnt really sure. It's hard to imagine a person's life being changed after over 80 years of living his own life, and with his last 4-5 years being mentally distraught. But my uncle was beaming that funeral and spoke about a peace that he saw on his dad's face. After all the services, he talked about how God can give such peace to people like him. This one is a tough one to swallow because i cant look to blame anyone but myself. I can make all the excuses i want, which i already have, but really i have no one to point at.
During my normal day i'm fine, but when i open up my bible i get nervous. I'm nervous God wont give me answers and peace immediatly. I wouldnt use the word anxious cause that would sometimes mean im looking foward to something good. Probably apprehensive is a better word.
I know the right and christian thing to say is that God will answer prayers on his own time and if its in His will to wait, he will wait. But i realy really really hope God takes me out of this situation now cause i cant see anything good coming out of me being afraid and confused about the God i'm supposed to put all my trust in.
:/ this was a really long post
Thursday was my grandfather's funeral. We went to new york for the wake and the burial site. If i had to list my top three emotions it would probably be confused, sad, scared, in that order. I'll be honest, the only grandfather i know is the guy i met three times a year, on his birthday, on christmas sometimes, and new years. When i was really young he was a really nice guy, but then as he got older, he really got old. His hearing started to get worse, and his mind really just lost it. Many times he couldnt hear himself so he would scream and the majority of his talks were lectures to me and my cousins. It was the same thing every year and every year it just got worse. We knew he had cancer and he didnt really much time but no one knew it was going to be right at this time. At first, i was just numb cause i didnt know what to do. On the Sunday i found out i just did nothing the whole day. I wasnt sure how to react or how to grief so i just thought the whole day. The more i thought the more scared i got of what answers i would get. I was afraid to ask if he was saved, because i was afraid of the answer being no. I was afraid of what happens to people as they get older; i was afraid of what happens if people like grandmother can forget everything because they have alzheimer's. I was afraid of death. It never felt so real because i never had to deal with this. The closest thing i ever experienced to a death in the family was my grandfather in korea that i never met or seen who died when i was 11. I had no idea what that really meant, only that i had to stay with my cousins. I was afraid to read certain passages in the morning because they might not give me answers to what i needed. I was afraid to listen to christian music on the way there because if i felt more numb and confused and sad, what does that say about me? I was afraid to pray honestly because if he didnt answer me, then what. I wasnt sure either about how to go about my regular day. I know im supposed to live like how he would have wanted me to live, but then how do i show my respect towards my grandfather? I really didnt want to write this post either cuase i just didnt want to think about it. Everytime someone called to say sorry or something, i knew it was because they cared and all, but i really didnt feel any better.
If i had to look back i can only think of maybe a few good things i can remember.
1. Tim and Eddie's mom came out to the funeral. The whole service i just put my head down and stayed quiet. But when i saw them i was just so filled with emotion to know that people cared that much to just support my mom, even when they didnt know my grandfather. That was such a wonderful surprise for me.
2. My mom seems OK.
3. On the way back i just thought w/e just go with it. I put on my headphones and the first song that came up was come and listen by david crowder band. I wanted to listen to more and i did. I listened to so many words that described who and what Jesus is. My heart felt on fire and my mind was just racing. So many thoughts just popped into my head. All the people i didnt talk to, all the prayer meetings i could've talked to God, just everything. I have no idea why the most emotion i felt was in a car ride back listening to music instead of when i was standing right next to my dead grandfather.
4. My grandfather accepted Christ on his deathbed. Now i had a long pause before i wrote this one because i still really unsettled with this statement. I prayed and just longed that i would hear the right words about his faith because its just so strange; i couldnt pray to God to save him or to enter his life anymore. I couldnt pray that at all. So when i acutally had the courage to ask what he did or said exactly hours or minutes before he passed away, or what exactly the pastors were saying during the services, i was relieved and worried at the same time. They said he accepted him loudly and firmly, with conviction but i have encountered so many fake christians and so many things that are just at hte service that sadly i wasnt really sure. It's hard to imagine a person's life being changed after over 80 years of living his own life, and with his last 4-5 years being mentally distraught. But my uncle was beaming that funeral and spoke about a peace that he saw on his dad's face. After all the services, he talked about how God can give such peace to people like him. This one is a tough one to swallow because i cant look to blame anyone but myself. I can make all the excuses i want, which i already have, but really i have no one to point at.
During my normal day i'm fine, but when i open up my bible i get nervous. I'm nervous God wont give me answers and peace immediatly. I wouldnt use the word anxious cause that would sometimes mean im looking foward to something good. Probably apprehensive is a better word.
I know the right and christian thing to say is that God will answer prayers on his own time and if its in His will to wait, he will wait. But i realy really really hope God takes me out of this situation now cause i cant see anything good coming out of me being afraid and confused about the God i'm supposed to put all my trust in.
:/ this was a really long post
Friday, September 5, 2008
School is great?
O man, school's started O_o
It was weird because im a junior but i dont feel old. Do any of you upperclassmen get that? Well anywho, it hasnt really been that bad. I feel a lot more comfortable then last year, and especially the year before that. Im sure im gonna be really busy during the year, but i feel confident taht i'll be ok. The sacrifices i have to make are really ones i should've made a while ago, just being idle and doing pointless stuff like soliatire.
One thing i feel like is something that i really have to keep at status quo so to speak, is making sure i give a wholehearted effort to do my best as far as my studies, and still keep that in perspective of my priorities. It's really easy to just make school top tier #1, when your parents even say that school is much more important then church. It's gonna be tough when its tuesday night and i got buttloads of hw and i need to find that 20 minutes out of my day to prepare for a morning devo or something of the such. But the psalms really give me a nice sigh and nod of understanding in the mornings.
Now im on the timothy's and peter's, thanks to jp teacher's advice
its interesting becuase the writing is in a different voice in a way, the psalms was more of a cry out adoration. The apistles are different in a good way, a little more instructive and straightfoward in a sense.
well im just rambling now
lol im sure every1's posts are gonna be something like, school starts WPOEATHJWAPOEIJ
but hey at least sunday's coming up, our day of peace
i'll see you guys soon
It was weird because im a junior but i dont feel old. Do any of you upperclassmen get that? Well anywho, it hasnt really been that bad. I feel a lot more comfortable then last year, and especially the year before that. Im sure im gonna be really busy during the year, but i feel confident taht i'll be ok. The sacrifices i have to make are really ones i should've made a while ago, just being idle and doing pointless stuff like soliatire.
One thing i feel like is something that i really have to keep at status quo so to speak, is making sure i give a wholehearted effort to do my best as far as my studies, and still keep that in perspective of my priorities. It's really easy to just make school top tier #1, when your parents even say that school is much more important then church. It's gonna be tough when its tuesday night and i got buttloads of hw and i need to find that 20 minutes out of my day to prepare for a morning devo or something of the such. But the psalms really give me a nice sigh and nod of understanding in the mornings.
Now im on the timothy's and peter's, thanks to jp teacher's advice
its interesting becuase the writing is in a different voice in a way, the psalms was more of a cry out adoration. The apistles are different in a good way, a little more instructive and straightfoward in a sense.
well im just rambling now
lol im sure every1's posts are gonna be something like, school starts WPOEATHJWAPOEIJ
but hey at least sunday's coming up, our day of peace
i'll see you guys soon
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