:/ This blog is late again.... I dont know why i keep forgetting about this. Well anyway
So its finally break! big sigh*. I know a lot of us have been looking forward to this for a really long, i know i was. I remember yesterday, which was the last day of school, during morning prayer i was thinking of a lot of things really: chem test, what to do after school, what gifts to get and such. But when everyone came in, i just thought about all the times i've said to myself, "I need to meet God during the hard times". But what about the good times? It's really easy to run after God when there's no other options, but when there is other options, what do we do? It's easy to look at all the quick fulfillments , those that last even just a couple hours. But during that morning prayer, i tried to pray for giving up those things. I prayed for giving the day to God, when most of the times we think it should be for ourselves. Now was i successful, not completely. I still was anxious about my chem test, and i still thought about where to eat for dinner and such. But as the holiday season is here, its so easy for us to make all the hoopla about us. When does God come into the picture? Philippians 4:4, “Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!”
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
love and adversity
"A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity"
Proverbs 17:17
This is the verse i read this morning and it didnt really seem like that morning would be anything more then a regular morning. But that verse stuck out when i was reading the chapter and now it's seeming much more applicable now. I look back at all the times i've neglected my friends and family and how often i have the opportunity to reach out to them, but i dont. I've never been really an emotional, touchy-feely type guy but thats not a viable excuse for leaving a brother or sister hanging. I know its so tough trying to go thru this walk even with the support of a church and friends and i cant imagine what it would be like doing it on your own. A friend is to love at all times, not just when its convienant or it seems at hte right moment. Love bears all thigsn , believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
Proverbs 17:17
This is the verse i read this morning and it didnt really seem like that morning would be anything more then a regular morning. But that verse stuck out when i was reading the chapter and now it's seeming much more applicable now. I look back at all the times i've neglected my friends and family and how often i have the opportunity to reach out to them, but i dont. I've never been really an emotional, touchy-feely type guy but thats not a viable excuse for leaving a brother or sister hanging. I know its so tough trying to go thru this walk even with the support of a church and friends and i cant imagine what it would be like doing it on your own. A friend is to love at all times, not just when its convienant or it seems at hte right moment. Love bears all thigsn , believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
Friday, December 5, 2008
To die is to gain
"For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." -Phillippians 1:21
I like reading the first chapters of many of the epistles in the new testament because they seem to me like a mission statement in a way. The beginnings are usually very formal, but as it continues, these very candid and straightforward statements are made. Even though they can be very short, these statements speak such volumes because of the faith it demonstrates. Paul is basically saying, i wish to end this temporary life on earth and move onto an eternity of joy in heaven. However, there is work to be done and so i will use Jesus Christ as my sole motivation to carry on. Wow, talk about faith to move mountains. "according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death." If that was my answer to the question of 'what if your life purpose', then i feel like my heavenly father would be proud. I know that it's going to take a lot of discipline and work to reach a faith to that point, but with a day to day approach, i feel like i can make those strides.
Peace and much love
I like reading the first chapters of many of the epistles in the new testament because they seem to me like a mission statement in a way. The beginnings are usually very formal, but as it continues, these very candid and straightforward statements are made. Even though they can be very short, these statements speak such volumes because of the faith it demonstrates. Paul is basically saying, i wish to end this temporary life on earth and move onto an eternity of joy in heaven. However, there is work to be done and so i will use Jesus Christ as my sole motivation to carry on. Wow, talk about faith to move mountains. "according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death." If that was my answer to the question of 'what if your life purpose', then i feel like my heavenly father would be proud. I know that it's going to take a lot of discipline and work to reach a faith to that point, but with a day to day approach, i feel like i can make those strides.
Peace and much love
Thursday, November 27, 2008
gobble gobble gobble
Happy thanksgiving all you koreans out there. Did you guys enjoy eating good korean/bad american food? Lol i ate chinese food on thanksgiving..... somethings wrong about that
"But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him. God is a spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth." (John 4:23-24)
I'm sure all you guys have heard this verse before, or at least the phrase worshiping in "spirit and in truth". I won't lie though, i had somewhat of an idea what that meant but not to the full extent. I was doing some reading (pretty good book) and they had a whole section on what that meant. They gave a description of someone who worships in spirit and not in truth, and also one who worships in truth but not necessarily spirit. I have to say, those descriptions fit me many times in my walk. Someone who sings all the right hymns, speaks the perfect prayer, and walks the righteous walk without having sincerity is just a hypocrite. To worship with spirit is to do it from the "inside out". I will admit many times we as Christians often just regurgitate some chrisitan phrases and use them as fillers, like starting every prayer w/ a thanks, or "shine our light", "you are our rock" etc. Im not saying these phrases are bad, but saying them without a genuine heart isnt real worship. And then on the flip side, you can be the most passionate person in the world, but if its about how great the music is, and how grandiose the person's voice is, then there's no truth. It's defintely a tough thing to do, worship God in BOTH spirit and truth, because a lot of times the balance isnt there. But you really cant have one without the other, can you? I'm glad i thought about this because next time I feel like my emotions are running high, i gotta ask myself, is this gospel centered worship? On top of that, if im praying a "christian" prayer, is my heart really speaking the same words as my lips? If heaven is going to be 24/7 worship of God, i should defintely get some good practice on earth :)
"But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him. God is a spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth." (John 4:23-24)
I'm sure all you guys have heard this verse before, or at least the phrase worshiping in "spirit and in truth". I won't lie though, i had somewhat of an idea what that meant but not to the full extent. I was doing some reading (pretty good book) and they had a whole section on what that meant. They gave a description of someone who worships in spirit and not in truth, and also one who worships in truth but not necessarily spirit. I have to say, those descriptions fit me many times in my walk. Someone who sings all the right hymns, speaks the perfect prayer, and walks the righteous walk without having sincerity is just a hypocrite. To worship with spirit is to do it from the "inside out". I will admit many times we as Christians often just regurgitate some chrisitan phrases and use them as fillers, like starting every prayer w/ a thanks, or "shine our light", "you are our rock" etc. Im not saying these phrases are bad, but saying them without a genuine heart isnt real worship. And then on the flip side, you can be the most passionate person in the world, but if its about how great the music is, and how grandiose the person's voice is, then there's no truth. It's defintely a tough thing to do, worship God in BOTH spirit and truth, because a lot of times the balance isnt there. But you really cant have one without the other, can you? I'm glad i thought about this because next time I feel like my emotions are running high, i gotta ask myself, is this gospel centered worship? On top of that, if im praying a "christian" prayer, is my heart really speaking the same words as my lips? If heaven is going to be 24/7 worship of God, i should defintely get some good practice on earth :)
Friday, November 21, 2008
may the words of my mouth and hte meditation of my heart
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight. O lord, my strength and my Redeemer" -Psalm 19:14
Whenever i hear those words i think of a son looking at his father in expectation. I can picture a son telling his father of what he did, his grades at school or maybe how he did in his little league baseball game, and the father pats him on the back and says good job my son; the son then gleams with joy. All we have to do now is transcend that around 100 times greater and there we have our meeting with our heavenly father. It's so hard sometimes to imagine that because we, or at least I, immediately think of my own father or some other fatherly figure. Maybe its just our own imperfect nature that constantly puts us down because we just reflect on our weeks and realize how little we do, or in some cases how much wrong we do. I get down on myself thinking how much i disappoint God but at the same time, the book that's in front of me is giving me God's encouragement personally, individually. God is TELLING me, Jonathan Lee, draw near to me and i will draw near to you, or cast all your care upon him, for He cares for you" Those are the words of MY father. I just wish that at the end of all this, God my father can say to me, the words of your mouth, the meditations of your heart, the works you have done for me, and the life you have lived is pleasing to me, my good and faithful son and servant. Amen?
Whenever i hear those words i think of a son looking at his father in expectation. I can picture a son telling his father of what he did, his grades at school or maybe how he did in his little league baseball game, and the father pats him on the back and says good job my son; the son then gleams with joy. All we have to do now is transcend that around 100 times greater and there we have our meeting with our heavenly father. It's so hard sometimes to imagine that because we, or at least I, immediately think of my own father or some other fatherly figure. Maybe its just our own imperfect nature that constantly puts us down because we just reflect on our weeks and realize how little we do, or in some cases how much wrong we do. I get down on myself thinking how much i disappoint God but at the same time, the book that's in front of me is giving me God's encouragement personally, individually. God is TELLING me, Jonathan Lee, draw near to me and i will draw near to you, or cast all your care upon him, for He cares for you" Those are the words of MY father. I just wish that at the end of all this, God my father can say to me, the words of your mouth, the meditations of your heart, the works you have done for me, and the life you have lived is pleasing to me, my good and faithful son and servant. Amen?
Friday, November 14, 2008
1:31 Therefore shall they eat of the fruit of their own way, and be filled with their own devices.
1:32 For the turning away of the simple shall slay them, and the prosperity of fools shall destroy them.
1:33 But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil.
:6 For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.
What was ironic was that as i was reading the book Pastor Stephen assigned, Spiritual disciplines, there was a part in the 2nd chapter or so when it talked about when to read the book. In fact, i was close to falling asleep and it said that was exactly when not to read! O_o well that really woke me up and the words after stuck w/ me to say the least. The first chapter of proverbs backs up his points about the importance of the word. One of the reasons our faith is so weak at times is because we dont have any physical evidence of what God is saying; many of us arent fortunate enough to experience a full-blown out miracle or sign like Moses or Abraham did, but why fret or become complacent? The physical evidence is the bible itself. I think the value of the word isn't instilled enough becuase many times we kind of "nod mm hmm heard that before", and yet how often do we read? the statistics he gave were kind of scary, espeically for those who claim to born again. To be born again, we have a new life, a new life founded upon what? HIS word. I pray that we turn to that amazing gift of word daily, for spiritual and even everyday practical help. Amen to that?
Friday, November 7, 2008
where am i?
I am currently at a friend's house doing this blog....lol
well my week's been ok, very tiring lot's of naps lolzers but i think things are going well the break's been real nice, 12 hours of sleep
I've been reading romans recently and i like the style of writing in the book. Many times it kind of quotes or paraphrases the mindset of a non believer, or maybe a naysayer of the christian faith
Im kind of half quoting cuase i dont have a bible on me but it talks about whether people should do bad, since the goodness of God is shown in our evil doings, or whether we are better people as circumsized, compared to a gentile or someone who instead. And the bible states very clearly and adamently the correct reasoning. 12 All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one." From there the passage nicely transitions into the grace of God, from our own ineptitude. I remember reading sinners in teh hands of an angry God in english class and we basically took a decent passage from it. Almost all of it were allusions and analogies of how bad we are, and how terrible of a place hell is. Becuase of that it seemedl ike no one realized the point of the whole message, the grace. Yes, part of it is to realize how sinful our nature is, and how hell is a scary place, but at the end of the day that's not what our main focus should be on. Our main focus should be on how amazing God's love is for us, to give us such a great gift.
Well im gonna keep going w/ romans and see how that is. Peace
well my week's been ok, very tiring lot's of naps lolzers but i think things are going well the break's been real nice, 12 hours of sleep
I've been reading romans recently and i like the style of writing in the book. Many times it kind of quotes or paraphrases the mindset of a non believer, or maybe a naysayer of the christian faith
Im kind of half quoting cuase i dont have a bible on me but it talks about whether people should do bad, since the goodness of God is shown in our evil doings, or whether we are better people as circumsized, compared to a gentile or someone who instead. And the bible states very clearly and adamently the correct reasoning. 12 All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one." From there the passage nicely transitions into the grace of God, from our own ineptitude. I remember reading sinners in teh hands of an angry God in english class and we basically took a decent passage from it. Almost all of it were allusions and analogies of how bad we are, and how terrible of a place hell is. Becuase of that it seemedl ike no one realized the point of the whole message, the grace. Yes, part of it is to realize how sinful our nature is, and how hell is a scary place, but at the end of the day that's not what our main focus should be on. Our main focus should be on how amazing God's love is for us, to give us such a great gift.
Well im gonna keep going w/ romans and see how that is. Peace
Saturday, November 1, 2008
gahhh i keep forgetting
Proverbs 16
The preparations of the heart belong to man. But the answer of the tongue is from the Lord. All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes. but the lord weighs the spirits.
I guess this verse stuck out to be because its talking about how much we can do on our own part. As much as we can pray or reach out etc, at the end of the day its God' s hands that have the final say in what is done and not done. But at the same time, we can't be sitting on our hands, just waiting for something to happen. By nature, we tend to rationalize our actions and say that, 'well person A doesnt even go to church twice a week so in actuality im doing pretty ok.' But proverbs 16 says all the ways of aman are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirits. I can defintely relate to taht verse because its so easy to just say o well everyone lies, or nobody's perfect. But if we are made in the image of God, then isnt that what we strive for? Arent we as christians undergoing the process of sanctification daily? Probably one of my biggest faults is not making that stride daily. daily Prayer meetings in the morning help for me, but i guess that day to day or even period to period in school prescence of God with me that i really want and need.
"He who heeds the word wisely will find good, and whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he"
The preparations of the heart belong to man. But the answer of the tongue is from the Lord. All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes. but the lord weighs the spirits.
I guess this verse stuck out to be because its talking about how much we can do on our own part. As much as we can pray or reach out etc, at the end of the day its God' s hands that have the final say in what is done and not done. But at the same time, we can't be sitting on our hands, just waiting for something to happen. By nature, we tend to rationalize our actions and say that, 'well person A doesnt even go to church twice a week so in actuality im doing pretty ok.' But proverbs 16 says all the ways of aman are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirits. I can defintely relate to taht verse because its so easy to just say o well everyone lies, or nobody's perfect. But if we are made in the image of God, then isnt that what we strive for? Arent we as christians undergoing the process of sanctification daily? Probably one of my biggest faults is not making that stride daily. daily Prayer meetings in the morning help for me, but i guess that day to day or even period to period in school prescence of God with me that i really want and need.
"He who heeds the word wisely will find good, and whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he"
Friday, October 24, 2008
title
hiya, this week has been ok for all you people that are so deeply interested. Not much going on, nothing too special. I gotta go to a wedding tomorrow, waeitwpaoitjawpotijw :/ w/e i'll enjoy the long car ride.
One thing that kinda has my attention is this set of dvd's which is like the 5 most prominent religions in the world. My dad bought em, and he told me to watch them. The religions are judiasm, islam, christianity, buddhism, hinduism. I think it'll be really healthy for me to know more about other religions, especially the main ones at least. I've had my fair share of confrontations w/ other religions and i think it would be relaly good to know the the main points to have something to base off of. I remmeber pastor stephen gaves us that book w/ all the religions, lol i never got aroudn to reading it. I should...
I mean its good to know those right? I figure if i was born 3000 miles elsewhere, o i dont know, in like India or the middle east, most likely i wouldnt be a christian. I'd probably be muslim, islam, or hindu or something. It would be really close minded if i just denied myself any other information. If i were to flip it around and a buddhist person refused to listen to the gospel, we would find him or her really stubborn right? Well if im gonna make an actual effort to reach out to people i know who's parents are buddhist or jewish, then i realy cant do it head first arms flailing so to speak. ANYWAY, its really really cold, parents still havent turned on the heat. The teperature thing says 40 degrees O_o
One thing that kinda has my attention is this set of dvd's which is like the 5 most prominent religions in the world. My dad bought em, and he told me to watch them. The religions are judiasm, islam, christianity, buddhism, hinduism. I think it'll be really healthy for me to know more about other religions, especially the main ones at least. I've had my fair share of confrontations w/ other religions and i think it would be relaly good to know the the main points to have something to base off of. I remmeber pastor stephen gaves us that book w/ all the religions, lol i never got aroudn to reading it. I should...
I mean its good to know those right? I figure if i was born 3000 miles elsewhere, o i dont know, in like India or the middle east, most likely i wouldnt be a christian. I'd probably be muslim, islam, or hindu or something. It would be really close minded if i just denied myself any other information. If i were to flip it around and a buddhist person refused to listen to the gospel, we would find him or her really stubborn right? Well if im gonna make an actual effort to reach out to people i know who's parents are buddhist or jewish, then i realy cant do it head first arms flailing so to speak. ANYWAY, its really really cold, parents still havent turned on the heat. The teperature thing says 40 degrees O_o
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Love
1 Corinthians 13:1-8a and 13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails....And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (NIV)
This week has been pretty meaty, i hadnt really had much time to just relax and just think to myself. A combination of a bunch of extra curricular activities and school has really taken up a lot of my time. I can tell its starting to affect me in a lot of ways. I notice in the morning prayers i feel so much less fufilled and more empty because i havent had saturday prayers and even a sunday service. I have to admit, whenever i dont have those things to really fall back on and reflect, i feel, idk less complete? Im not sure if im too reliant on saturday's and sunday's to kinda get the juices flowing so to speak.
Well to that passage, for some reason the words love is patient or love is slow to anger always comes to my head, maybe God is trying to continuely tell me this daily. I looked up the entire passage and here it is. This is most defintely something i wanna memorize and just say to myself. Not as some kind of mantra or discipline, maybe more as a reminder, an encourage, a benchmark because love that is forced or conditional is so ugly, but true, christian, brotherly, self sacricing love is so amazing.
that's just an amazing passage
Friday, October 3, 2008
science and religion....yea i know i know
Here's a little disclaimer, personally i really loathe these intellectual debates and things cuase it sometimes gets too inpersonal and pretty ugly often....BUT its still essential as far as making a real choice through facts, not just blind faith soooooo
Hey guys, i was watching this debate with the guys from the way of the master and these two people from a group called RRS. Pastor Steve, I have a feeling you've seen it, cause i think i remember in the first eternity yo utalked about our eyes, and ray comfort said the same thing.
well anyway, they were arguing about the existence of God, and a counter arguement as far as creation needing a creator was that why cant the universe be constant? If God is eternal, why cant the universe just be eternal? Now, i read a thing that makes sense which is that what atheists believe is something complex, i think the n or m theory, where there's a multiverse, something larger then our universe, larger then what we can see. And in that multiverse, universes like ours are randomly created. But basically atheists just replace "God" with "universe". So really the question is intelligent design, we believe this world was built with a purpose in mind, atheists believe in pure chance and randomness. There is so much to prove intelligent design, but my problem is i dont see how we can use hte "painter painting" reasoning, if an atheist can just say the universe was constant, no creator. And the whole point of that debate was to prove God scientifically. It's hard for me to prove intelligent design scientfically, most of my reasoning is really just, well reasoning. It doesnt seem anywhere reasonable to me that this coudl all be chance, that the niagara falls, the mona lisa, pavrotti's singing, could all just be pure chance.
I know this is really really incoherent and hard to follow, but you guys can just watch the debate on youtube or somethning. My question to you all is to help me out with this intelligent design/universe being eternal issue so that if i'm asked by an atheist i would be prepared to answer rationally and reasonably.
Hey guys, i was watching this debate with the guys from the way of the master and these two people from a group called RRS. Pastor Steve, I have a feeling you've seen it, cause i think i remember in the first eternity yo utalked about our eyes, and ray comfort said the same thing.
well anyway, they were arguing about the existence of God, and a counter arguement as far as creation needing a creator was that why cant the universe be constant? If God is eternal, why cant the universe just be eternal? Now, i read a thing that makes sense which is that what atheists believe is something complex, i think the n or m theory, where there's a multiverse, something larger then our universe, larger then what we can see. And in that multiverse, universes like ours are randomly created. But basically atheists just replace "God" with "universe". So really the question is intelligent design, we believe this world was built with a purpose in mind, atheists believe in pure chance and randomness. There is so much to prove intelligent design, but my problem is i dont see how we can use hte "painter painting" reasoning, if an atheist can just say the universe was constant, no creator. And the whole point of that debate was to prove God scientifically. It's hard for me to prove intelligent design scientfically, most of my reasoning is really just, well reasoning. It doesnt seem anywhere reasonable to me that this coudl all be chance, that the niagara falls, the mona lisa, pavrotti's singing, could all just be pure chance.
I know this is really really incoherent and hard to follow, but you guys can just watch the debate on youtube or somethning. My question to you all is to help me out with this intelligent design/universe being eternal issue so that if i'm asked by an atheist i would be prepared to answer rationally and reasonably.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
But the word of the Lord endures forever
Hello all. My week's been ok, school's been tiring. I've been taking naps right after school which are killing me. I'm pretty happy cause my dad is letting me use his laptop for church from now on, so along with the new projector, everything should be good; no more disconnections or whatnot. I have a chem lab write up right next to me as i am typing this, so i do have a lot of work.
The first christian club meeting was kind of a disappointment and not at the same time. A lot of ppl showed up, but no one really talked or anything. But the next morning was see you at the pole, and a lot of ppl came out including teachers and this pastor from a church close by. It was really encouraging to see them there. Soo, i thought these couple verses were fitting and encouraging as well.
" Knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things ,l,iek silver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradtiiton for your fathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lab without blemish and without spot. ........All flesh is as grass, and all the glory fo man as the flower of the grass. The gras wither,s and its flower falls away, But the word of hte LORD endures forever"
peace
The first christian club meeting was kind of a disappointment and not at the same time. A lot of ppl showed up, but no one really talked or anything. But the next morning was see you at the pole, and a lot of ppl came out including teachers and this pastor from a church close by. It was really encouraging to see them there. Soo, i thought these couple verses were fitting and encouraging as well.
" Knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things ,l,iek silver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradtiiton for your fathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lab without blemish and without spot. ........All flesh is as grass, and all the glory fo man as the flower of the grass. The gras wither,s and its flower falls away, But the word of hte LORD endures forever"
peace
Friday, September 19, 2008
this week has been....ok?
This week has been ok i guess. Pretty hectic though. Started morning prayer and christian club at school. Not gonna lie, pretty hectic. First major tests in school got me really nervous but at least its over. I've been really jittery i think because a lot of this stuff is new to me, im use to waiting for Tim to lead prayer and now its me it just feels really different. Christian club isnt too bad cause everyone is younger, but its still something new. School's been pretty tough, been taking naps everyday lol. I did get the new chris tomlin album, which im listening to right now, pretty good.
Probably the verse or section of the bible that's been on my mind alot is Job. I just think that that verse is so powerful, real, true, honest, reliable, just everything. Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
Probably the verse or section of the bible that's been on my mind alot is Job. I just think that that verse is so powerful, real, true, honest, reliable, just everything. Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
-- Job 1: 20-21 (KJV)
That verse speaks so much truth that i really cant say much. Sometimes the things Jesus did are so surreal and amazing that its kinda hard to imagine really. But when i think of the story of Job, in perspective to my life, i can feel that. I feel humbled when i hear those words, the lord hath take away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
I look foward to saturday and sunday's so much, much more then i ever have. Just the idea of peace for a couple hours in meeting God in a much more different way then 7:20 in the morning in a science lab gives me hapiness.
i guess i'll just end with this, listen to the chris tomlin album its really good
I look foward to saturday and sunday's so much, much more then i ever have. Just the idea of peace for a couple hours in meeting God in a much more different way then 7:20 in the morning in a science lab gives me hapiness.
i guess i'll just end with this, listen to the chris tomlin album its really good
Saturday, September 13, 2008
I cant' think of a title
I'm not really sure how to start this, so i'll go from thursday
Thursday was my grandfather's funeral. We went to new york for the wake and the burial site. If i had to list my top three emotions it would probably be confused, sad, scared, in that order. I'll be honest, the only grandfather i know is the guy i met three times a year, on his birthday, on christmas sometimes, and new years. When i was really young he was a really nice guy, but then as he got older, he really got old. His hearing started to get worse, and his mind really just lost it. Many times he couldnt hear himself so he would scream and the majority of his talks were lectures to me and my cousins. It was the same thing every year and every year it just got worse. We knew he had cancer and he didnt really much time but no one knew it was going to be right at this time. At first, i was just numb cause i didnt know what to do. On the Sunday i found out i just did nothing the whole day. I wasnt sure how to react or how to grief so i just thought the whole day. The more i thought the more scared i got of what answers i would get. I was afraid to ask if he was saved, because i was afraid of the answer being no. I was afraid of what happens to people as they get older; i was afraid of what happens if people like grandmother can forget everything because they have alzheimer's. I was afraid of death. It never felt so real because i never had to deal with this. The closest thing i ever experienced to a death in the family was my grandfather in korea that i never met or seen who died when i was 11. I had no idea what that really meant, only that i had to stay with my cousins. I was afraid to read certain passages in the morning because they might not give me answers to what i needed. I was afraid to listen to christian music on the way there because if i felt more numb and confused and sad, what does that say about me? I was afraid to pray honestly because if he didnt answer me, then what. I wasnt sure either about how to go about my regular day. I know im supposed to live like how he would have wanted me to live, but then how do i show my respect towards my grandfather? I really didnt want to write this post either cuase i just didnt want to think about it. Everytime someone called to say sorry or something, i knew it was because they cared and all, but i really didnt feel any better.
If i had to look back i can only think of maybe a few good things i can remember.
1. Tim and Eddie's mom came out to the funeral. The whole service i just put my head down and stayed quiet. But when i saw them i was just so filled with emotion to know that people cared that much to just support my mom, even when they didnt know my grandfather. That was such a wonderful surprise for me.
2. My mom seems OK.
3. On the way back i just thought w/e just go with it. I put on my headphones and the first song that came up was come and listen by david crowder band. I wanted to listen to more and i did. I listened to so many words that described who and what Jesus is. My heart felt on fire and my mind was just racing. So many thoughts just popped into my head. All the people i didnt talk to, all the prayer meetings i could've talked to God, just everything. I have no idea why the most emotion i felt was in a car ride back listening to music instead of when i was standing right next to my dead grandfather.
4. My grandfather accepted Christ on his deathbed. Now i had a long pause before i wrote this one because i still really unsettled with this statement. I prayed and just longed that i would hear the right words about his faith because its just so strange; i couldnt pray to God to save him or to enter his life anymore. I couldnt pray that at all. So when i acutally had the courage to ask what he did or said exactly hours or minutes before he passed away, or what exactly the pastors were saying during the services, i was relieved and worried at the same time. They said he accepted him loudly and firmly, with conviction but i have encountered so many fake christians and so many things that are just at hte service that sadly i wasnt really sure. It's hard to imagine a person's life being changed after over 80 years of living his own life, and with his last 4-5 years being mentally distraught. But my uncle was beaming that funeral and spoke about a peace that he saw on his dad's face. After all the services, he talked about how God can give such peace to people like him. This one is a tough one to swallow because i cant look to blame anyone but myself. I can make all the excuses i want, which i already have, but really i have no one to point at.
During my normal day i'm fine, but when i open up my bible i get nervous. I'm nervous God wont give me answers and peace immediatly. I wouldnt use the word anxious cause that would sometimes mean im looking foward to something good. Probably apprehensive is a better word.
I know the right and christian thing to say is that God will answer prayers on his own time and if its in His will to wait, he will wait. But i realy really really hope God takes me out of this situation now cause i cant see anything good coming out of me being afraid and confused about the God i'm supposed to put all my trust in.
:/ this was a really long post
Thursday was my grandfather's funeral. We went to new york for the wake and the burial site. If i had to list my top three emotions it would probably be confused, sad, scared, in that order. I'll be honest, the only grandfather i know is the guy i met three times a year, on his birthday, on christmas sometimes, and new years. When i was really young he was a really nice guy, but then as he got older, he really got old. His hearing started to get worse, and his mind really just lost it. Many times he couldnt hear himself so he would scream and the majority of his talks were lectures to me and my cousins. It was the same thing every year and every year it just got worse. We knew he had cancer and he didnt really much time but no one knew it was going to be right at this time. At first, i was just numb cause i didnt know what to do. On the Sunday i found out i just did nothing the whole day. I wasnt sure how to react or how to grief so i just thought the whole day. The more i thought the more scared i got of what answers i would get. I was afraid to ask if he was saved, because i was afraid of the answer being no. I was afraid of what happens to people as they get older; i was afraid of what happens if people like grandmother can forget everything because they have alzheimer's. I was afraid of death. It never felt so real because i never had to deal with this. The closest thing i ever experienced to a death in the family was my grandfather in korea that i never met or seen who died when i was 11. I had no idea what that really meant, only that i had to stay with my cousins. I was afraid to read certain passages in the morning because they might not give me answers to what i needed. I was afraid to listen to christian music on the way there because if i felt more numb and confused and sad, what does that say about me? I was afraid to pray honestly because if he didnt answer me, then what. I wasnt sure either about how to go about my regular day. I know im supposed to live like how he would have wanted me to live, but then how do i show my respect towards my grandfather? I really didnt want to write this post either cuase i just didnt want to think about it. Everytime someone called to say sorry or something, i knew it was because they cared and all, but i really didnt feel any better.
If i had to look back i can only think of maybe a few good things i can remember.
1. Tim and Eddie's mom came out to the funeral. The whole service i just put my head down and stayed quiet. But when i saw them i was just so filled with emotion to know that people cared that much to just support my mom, even when they didnt know my grandfather. That was such a wonderful surprise for me.
2. My mom seems OK.
3. On the way back i just thought w/e just go with it. I put on my headphones and the first song that came up was come and listen by david crowder band. I wanted to listen to more and i did. I listened to so many words that described who and what Jesus is. My heart felt on fire and my mind was just racing. So many thoughts just popped into my head. All the people i didnt talk to, all the prayer meetings i could've talked to God, just everything. I have no idea why the most emotion i felt was in a car ride back listening to music instead of when i was standing right next to my dead grandfather.
4. My grandfather accepted Christ on his deathbed. Now i had a long pause before i wrote this one because i still really unsettled with this statement. I prayed and just longed that i would hear the right words about his faith because its just so strange; i couldnt pray to God to save him or to enter his life anymore. I couldnt pray that at all. So when i acutally had the courage to ask what he did or said exactly hours or minutes before he passed away, or what exactly the pastors were saying during the services, i was relieved and worried at the same time. They said he accepted him loudly and firmly, with conviction but i have encountered so many fake christians and so many things that are just at hte service that sadly i wasnt really sure. It's hard to imagine a person's life being changed after over 80 years of living his own life, and with his last 4-5 years being mentally distraught. But my uncle was beaming that funeral and spoke about a peace that he saw on his dad's face. After all the services, he talked about how God can give such peace to people like him. This one is a tough one to swallow because i cant look to blame anyone but myself. I can make all the excuses i want, which i already have, but really i have no one to point at.
During my normal day i'm fine, but when i open up my bible i get nervous. I'm nervous God wont give me answers and peace immediatly. I wouldnt use the word anxious cause that would sometimes mean im looking foward to something good. Probably apprehensive is a better word.
I know the right and christian thing to say is that God will answer prayers on his own time and if its in His will to wait, he will wait. But i realy really really hope God takes me out of this situation now cause i cant see anything good coming out of me being afraid and confused about the God i'm supposed to put all my trust in.
:/ this was a really long post
Friday, September 5, 2008
School is great?
O man, school's started O_o
It was weird because im a junior but i dont feel old. Do any of you upperclassmen get that? Well anywho, it hasnt really been that bad. I feel a lot more comfortable then last year, and especially the year before that. Im sure im gonna be really busy during the year, but i feel confident taht i'll be ok. The sacrifices i have to make are really ones i should've made a while ago, just being idle and doing pointless stuff like soliatire.
One thing i feel like is something that i really have to keep at status quo so to speak, is making sure i give a wholehearted effort to do my best as far as my studies, and still keep that in perspective of my priorities. It's really easy to just make school top tier #1, when your parents even say that school is much more important then church. It's gonna be tough when its tuesday night and i got buttloads of hw and i need to find that 20 minutes out of my day to prepare for a morning devo or something of the such. But the psalms really give me a nice sigh and nod of understanding in the mornings.
Now im on the timothy's and peter's, thanks to jp teacher's advice
its interesting becuase the writing is in a different voice in a way, the psalms was more of a cry out adoration. The apistles are different in a good way, a little more instructive and straightfoward in a sense.
well im just rambling now
lol im sure every1's posts are gonna be something like, school starts WPOEATHJWAPOEIJ
but hey at least sunday's coming up, our day of peace
i'll see you guys soon
It was weird because im a junior but i dont feel old. Do any of you upperclassmen get that? Well anywho, it hasnt really been that bad. I feel a lot more comfortable then last year, and especially the year before that. Im sure im gonna be really busy during the year, but i feel confident taht i'll be ok. The sacrifices i have to make are really ones i should've made a while ago, just being idle and doing pointless stuff like soliatire.
One thing i feel like is something that i really have to keep at status quo so to speak, is making sure i give a wholehearted effort to do my best as far as my studies, and still keep that in perspective of my priorities. It's really easy to just make school top tier #1, when your parents even say that school is much more important then church. It's gonna be tough when its tuesday night and i got buttloads of hw and i need to find that 20 minutes out of my day to prepare for a morning devo or something of the such. But the psalms really give me a nice sigh and nod of understanding in the mornings.
Now im on the timothy's and peter's, thanks to jp teacher's advice
its interesting becuase the writing is in a different voice in a way, the psalms was more of a cry out adoration. The apistles are different in a good way, a little more instructive and straightfoward in a sense.
well im just rambling now
lol im sure every1's posts are gonna be something like, school starts WPOEATHJWAPOEIJ
but hey at least sunday's coming up, our day of peace
i'll see you guys soon
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
the world
I'm just gonna put it out there, that the world is just really really messed up.
For some reason, today just pointed that even more. Every tv show i flip to, every website i click on is just filled with sin. Sometimes i just really look foward to the end of the week, to peace.
anywho, i was reading a lot of psalms lately, and i noticed that a lot of the ones in like 25-35 is about the enemy or non believers. It talks a lot about how the enemy may receive rewards now and the victory on earth, but when its all said and done, "Evil shall slay teh wicked, and those who hate the righteous shall be condemned. The lord redeems the soul of His servants, and noe of those who trust in Him shalled be condemned."
You know, these dog days are the times that really wanna make you try and imagine what heaven's like. I think for like a second, and past that i realize its futile. Sometimes i try and think of the most deepest emotions i've ever felt, and go from there, but i know it cant compare.
I'll probably turn around and find myself at 50 saying the same thing. Hopefully time can go a little faster here where it doesnt feel right, and i'll see myself in a place where i should be.
For some reason, today just pointed that even more. Every tv show i flip to, every website i click on is just filled with sin. Sometimes i just really look foward to the end of the week, to peace.
anywho, i was reading a lot of psalms lately, and i noticed that a lot of the ones in like 25-35 is about the enemy or non believers. It talks a lot about how the enemy may receive rewards now and the victory on earth, but when its all said and done, "Evil shall slay teh wicked, and those who hate the righteous shall be condemned. The lord redeems the soul of His servants, and noe of those who trust in Him shalled be condemned."
You know, these dog days are the times that really wanna make you try and imagine what heaven's like. I think for like a second, and past that i realize its futile. Sometimes i try and think of the most deepest emotions i've ever felt, and go from there, but i know it cant compare.
I'll probably turn around and find myself at 50 saying the same thing. Hopefully time can go a little faster here where it doesnt feel right, and i'll see myself in a place where i should be.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Hey guys, we're having a joint service at 11 AM this coming Sunday. The following Sunday will also be joint service, but at the usual time.
Also, tomorrow, as in Thursday, is our final exam; make sure you guys study for that.
I think the reason for the early service is a ping pong tournament, lololol :)
Also, tomorrow, as in Thursday, is our final exam; make sure you guys study for that.
I think the reason for the early service is a ping pong tournament, lololol :)
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Better Than I Deserve
The next time someone asks me how I'm doing, that's how i want to respond - better then i deserve. I'm sheepishly blogging to say that I just finished reading The Cross Centered Life by C.J. Mahaney, the book I got from the last retreat at Keswick. But thank the Lord that I did read it. I can honestly say that God completely answered my specifically requested prayers with this book. I've never had such a book understand my situation so exactly.
The book begins with a very simple statement that almost christian has heard, the gospel. But then it asks a question that I would strongly suggest that every christian born into the church should ask, 'What's your life centered on?'. One of the biggest problems I've had was legalism; I based my faith on my own abilities. Depending on how much sin I've committed and the level of sin I've committed, were the basis of how I'm doing with God. The problem with that mindset is that I am a sinner whose weakness is just ridiculous. The even bigger problem with that attitude is how Mahaney puts it very simply- I mix up justification with sanctification. I tell myself, 'O man I sinned again, jeez how many times is God gonna forgive me for that one.'
I'm not trying to lessen my faults but i really feel like a large part of this problem is because of the fact i grew up in the church. I know a countless number of people who grew up in the church that honestly cannot recite to me the gospel. People go through years of bible study and CCD classes and dont learn what's most important. Also, we begin to start "spinning plates". Mahaney gave a nice analogy where this guy is taking plates and putting them on tiny stick and spins them. One by one, he continues to add more plates so eventually he's spinning like a million of them. Every time one starts to slow down, he has to frantically run back to spin a slowed down one to make sure it doesnt fall. 'I read the bible this morning and i didn't curse at all today, but i forget to share the gospel to someone. Crap, just lost 10 christian points there. Saturday service sure is gonna be bad now.'
It's such a slap in the forehead to think that my problem could have been solved by the the foundation of my whole faith. Because of the gospel i can approach God with confidence, not because i had a 'good christian week', but because Jesus led a sinless life all the way to his finished mission. God won't see my faults, but instead Jesus' lack of faults. That is why i am free and sin will never take hold of me. In fact, sin should acutally magnify the cross. He is made strong is our weakness. Every time we fail, that should just make the cross even more evident and powerful. Like the most recent sermon, we're just a jar of clay. I know that sin is inevitable, but the cross is unchangeable.
I know a lot of books and songs talk about a child-like faith, which is literally what i had. It was just an accepted fact to me that God existed. I was taught at a young age that God created the world and the universe and he was and is forever and ever. But i learned other things from Sunday school and small groups etc etc. However, i love the way Mahaney put it, the gospel isn a class amongst many other christian classes. The gospel is the building in which all other classes are learned. Anything and everything that is taught as far as Christianity is inside the walls of the gospel.
If anyone can relate to what I'm talking about, i strongly suggest reading this book. To those people who grew up in the church, and didnt have a radical conversion like me, read the book and be careful of legalism, basing your passion or relationship with God by your own works. I really only talked about the jist of the book, and there is a lot more specific stuff about how to make your life a cross centered one. A really good read, very specific, backed up by the bible, not complex, and just plain amazing.
lol btw, i really dont know how blogspot works. How come you can comment on certain posts and not others?
The book begins with a very simple statement that almost christian has heard, the gospel. But then it asks a question that I would strongly suggest that every christian born into the church should ask, 'What's your life centered on?'. One of the biggest problems I've had was legalism; I based my faith on my own abilities. Depending on how much sin I've committed and the level of sin I've committed, were the basis of how I'm doing with God. The problem with that mindset is that I am a sinner whose weakness is just ridiculous. The even bigger problem with that attitude is how Mahaney puts it very simply- I mix up justification with sanctification. I tell myself, 'O man I sinned again, jeez how many times is God gonna forgive me for that one.'
I'm not trying to lessen my faults but i really feel like a large part of this problem is because of the fact i grew up in the church. I know a countless number of people who grew up in the church that honestly cannot recite to me the gospel. People go through years of bible study and CCD classes and dont learn what's most important. Also, we begin to start "spinning plates". Mahaney gave a nice analogy where this guy is taking plates and putting them on tiny stick and spins them. One by one, he continues to add more plates so eventually he's spinning like a million of them. Every time one starts to slow down, he has to frantically run back to spin a slowed down one to make sure it doesnt fall. 'I read the bible this morning and i didn't curse at all today, but i forget to share the gospel to someone. Crap, just lost 10 christian points there. Saturday service sure is gonna be bad now.'
It's such a slap in the forehead to think that my problem could have been solved by the the foundation of my whole faith. Because of the gospel i can approach God with confidence, not because i had a 'good christian week', but because Jesus led a sinless life all the way to his finished mission. God won't see my faults, but instead Jesus' lack of faults. That is why i am free and sin will never take hold of me. In fact, sin should acutally magnify the cross. He is made strong is our weakness. Every time we fail, that should just make the cross even more evident and powerful. Like the most recent sermon, we're just a jar of clay. I know that sin is inevitable, but the cross is unchangeable.
I know a lot of books and songs talk about a child-like faith, which is literally what i had. It was just an accepted fact to me that God existed. I was taught at a young age that God created the world and the universe and he was and is forever and ever. But i learned other things from Sunday school and small groups etc etc. However, i love the way Mahaney put it, the gospel isn a class amongst many other christian classes. The gospel is the building in which all other classes are learned. Anything and everything that is taught as far as Christianity is inside the walls of the gospel.
If anyone can relate to what I'm talking about, i strongly suggest reading this book. To those people who grew up in the church, and didnt have a radical conversion like me, read the book and be careful of legalism, basing your passion or relationship with God by your own works. I really only talked about the jist of the book, and there is a lot more specific stuff about how to make your life a cross centered one. A really good read, very specific, backed up by the bible, not complex, and just plain amazing.
lol btw, i really dont know how blogspot works. How come you can comment on certain posts and not others?
finally
FINALLY, it took me a really long time to make this blog because my internet is really funky, I don't know why.
Well blogspot seems pretty cool i guess
Well blogspot seems pretty cool i guess
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